A Kilo of String

A Kilo of String

by Rob Johnson


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“Fabulously funny - a real must for lovers of all things Greek.”

After living in Greece for thirteen years, writer and reluctant olive farmer Rob Johnson has got used to most of the things that he and his wife Penny found so bizarre at the beginning. Most, but not all.

A Kilo of String is the story-so-far of this not-particularly-plucky couple’s often bewildering experiences among the descendants of Sophocles, Plato and Nana Mouskouri with occasional digressions into total irrelevances.

This is a book which is almost guaranteed not to change your life, but what it will do is answer many of the fundamental questions about life in Greece, such as:

How do you avoid ordering a double tomato for your pine marten when booking a hotel room? Should olive harvesting be registered with the Dangerous Sports Association? Why are chicken livers useful (other than to the chickens themselves)?

“A brilliant book, very funny and a great insight into Greece and its people.”

“Left me laughing so hard I would have spat out my dentures, if I wore them.”

A Kilo of String is loosely based on Rob Johnson’s podcast series of the same name, which is free to listen to and download at https://rob-johnson.org.uk/podcasts/a-kilo-of-string/.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780992638481
Publisher: Rob Johnson
Publication date: 02/10/2020
Pages: 254
Product dimensions: 5.00(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.58(d)

About the Author

'You'll have to write an author biography of course.'
'Oh? Why?'
'Because people will want to know something about you before they lash out on buying one of your books.'
'You think so, do you?'
'Just do it, okay?'
'So what do I tell them?'
'For a start, you should mention that you've written four plays that were professionally produced and toured throughout the UK.'
'Should I say anything about all the temp jobs I had, like working in the towels and linens stockroom at Debenhams or as a fitter's mate in a perfume factory?'
'No, definitely not.'
'Motorcycle dispatch rider?'
'You were sacked, weren't you?'
'Boss said he could get a truck there quicker.'
'Leave it out then, but make sure they know that you've written five books, and don't forget to put in something that shows you're vaguely human.'
'You mean this kind of thing: "I'm currently in Greece with my wife, Penny, two cats and five rescue dogs and working on a new novel and a couple of screenplays".'
'It'll have to do, I suppose, and then finish off with your website and social media stuff.'
'Oh, okay then.'

* Website at https://www.rob-johnson.org.uk
* @RobJohnson999 on Twitter
* Facebook author page at https://www.facebook.com/RobJohnsonAuthor

Table of Contents

Not Really a Preface

1. Haemorrhaging Away

2. Roses Are Red, Ferraris Are Blue

3. Pompeii and Circumstance

4. Snow Going Back

5. A Pleasant and Enjoyable Experience?

6. And the Winner Is...

7. A Fridge Too Far

8. Belching Bertha

9. You Don’t Wanna Do It Like That

10. Thank You, Mr Faraday

11. The “I Bet You Haven’t Got X” Gambit

12. Whose Gas Is It Anyway?

13. A Very Berry Christmas

14. May Contain Words

15. Crimes and Misdemeanours and a Little Piece of Plastic

16. It’s a Fair Cop-Out

17. Lost in Translation

18. A Ferret’s Toe

19. Inkwells and Quivers

20. The Forth Road Bridge Disaster

21. Smelly Thursday and Satan Incarnate

22. One Baptism and a Funeral

23. Unlucky for Some

24. Cats and Dogs and Chicken Guards

25. I’d Rather Eat My Own Face

26. I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter

27. It’s Just Not Cricket

28. Abnormal Service

29. For a Few Euros More

30. Who Dares, Cuts Hair

31. Wedding Bells and Chicken Livers

32. Last Impressions

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