From Hell to Heaven, One Man's Journey

From Hell to Heaven, One Man's Journey

by Daffy Gustav

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Overview

With the confession of several years of secrets, Daffy Gustav’s life changed forever. As he leads others down an emotional path lined with heartfelt poems that detail the disbelief, pain, frustrations, and eventual healing that followed his divorce and estrangement from his children, Gustav shines a light on the unfortunate effects of heartache.

Gustav, who one day came home from work and discovered an empty house, shares poetry that provide a realistic glimpse into what it is really like to experience the breakup of a marriage, to lose your children, to endure monumental financial challenges, to survive betrayal from other family members, to grapple with a variety of emotions that accompany such a life-shattering chain of events, and finally, to be guided to change. Through it all, Gustav provides inspiration to others that it is indeed possible to find hope, inner-peace, and love after suffering a personal tragedy.

From Hell to Heaven, One Man’s Journey shares introspective reflections from an honest man as he learns to survive life’s greatest heartaches and transform his anger into understanding love.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781504904940
Publisher: AuthorHouse
Publication date: 04/02/2015
Pages: 262
Product dimensions: 6.00(w) x 9.00(h) x 0.59(d)

Read an Excerpt

From Hell to Heaven, One Man's Journey


By Daffy Gustav

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2015 Daffy Gustav
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-5049-0494-0


CHAPTER 1

    Coming to Closure

    If married to one who ducks taking on life
    There is always a void of reality
    The reference point is always superficial
    As if not of this world it could be

    The fact of having not much but debt and my promise of my future
    The decision is made to dump the blood sucker
    For when this is done maybe I can see my tenure
    As all I feel is a realization of being fucked over

    All my work, dedication and skill has made us
    Her vacuum of need and clinginess is of such disgust
    I feel like wiping the slime from my skin
    For it has been part of my soul that has given in

    I must stand firm with the settlement
    For only this will allow her to righten her Kharma tent
    As driving from others and sucking them dry
    Is not why we are here on earth to try.


    My Ex-Wife and Friend

    For 8 years I felt she loved me, then things began to change
    We lived afar and work took me aways
    At home with 2 small kids she felt alone and strange
    Many things I noticed after the long hard days

    She was bored as a stay at home Mom
    Desiring something more she found a group in Kansas City
    Off she would go at night, me with the kids, at home
    Into the night with her friends, off doing her dity

    Soon a roommate appeared with her daughter with amuse
    Into our house as a friend and companion to keep company
    As the 1,200 sq foot basement was not being used
    It sounded so swell, how could I say anything?

    Back towards work to pay the bills I focused
    Covering 4 states through all of the weather and long nights
    Looking forward to being home is all I wished
    Walking into the house, wife naked with candle light
    On the massage table she lay, with the roommate rubbing her back
        with bliss
    This is wrong I thought to myself, something is not right!
    It was explained to me only friends they were just seemed short of
        a kiss.

    Later sometime but still soon after
    My ex-wife asked if I was interested in a threesome
    Laying there in shocked realization without laughter
    I felt it hit home to the depths of my discovered truthsome.


    The Societal Entitlement Program

    It is said in today's society when a woman is guided to marry into
        money's place
    The concept on the surface supports survival of the fittest, to move up
    Mother's groom their daughters in manners and grace
    Hoping and longing the security it brings for within they feel setup

    The daughters strive to please their elders
    Foregoing true love in lieu of approval
    So like hookers they seek the stupid and unperceiving
    Sharing their fluff and muff quenching their upheaval

    Through their lives they accept less of themselves
    Agreeing with the lack of self-confidence delved by mothers
    Seeking love and security without it as part of their shelves
    Pulling from a partner, forever seeking reassurance from others.


    Abuse of the other....

    In relationship we try to make a mutual gain
    For in this is the meaning of life and sharing
    One works hard to make this avail
    But it has to take both, unless it is to fail
    When one side decides to quit, it should be presented to the other to spit
    Unfortunately often it is not revealed as this takes courage without
        repeal
    Once withered, it grows and festers, lashing out at other times with
        jestures
    Taken by the other, this is an attack, as if a knife in the back
    So the game goes on, without score
    With one of the two taking the bore
    So the abuser is allowed to reek, as the other is trying to be meek
    To be meek is the same as to be humble, the attacker will soon stumble
    As it is said the meek shall inherit the earth
    So will the attackers dwindle in the hearth.


    Life's Determination

    Funny, looking back, the parents guided
    As youth, we partook in the lessons
    Through adolescence we continued to trust unabated
    Knowing that we would be set adult life without tensions

    Reality strikes, say about twenty
    Playing and touching on life's purpose with measure
    The security of the next is gone, but done plenty
    Oh my God, it is up to me to achieve life's treasure?

    College (a parent guide) is tough with so much indeciveness and challenge
    Yet, it is the knowing, that helps in future years
    So after college, when does it help in life's range
    It only delivers a place in stature, but nothing about why one cares

    Alone, employed with bought crap we are not content
    Wait a minute; wasn't my life's purpose supposed to be laid out?
    I followed the script to a tee, but where is my tent?
    The parent's efforts were not appreciated and from this there is much
        doubt.

    With education in tow, we ask – so tell us....
    Dumbfounded they stutter, we do not know either ...
    Shock sets in, it is for ourselves to discover thus
    Our own lives mission, without guidance, for only this will weather.


    Why the Mundane

    Comfort comes in many levels of our lives
    Skipping through life without goals sets us there
    Taking the easy path is most leisure in strife
    The paychecks of perks are bimonthly, so why spare?

    After a few years, there sets a wonder....
    Doing the mundane is simply not a life fulfilling
    So how did this mundane life creep onto me without ponder?
    As I never agreed to the emptiness like holes in a water bottle be
        drilling ...

    I did all I thought that was needed
    For my aspiring goals were kind of completed
    Going through my life it seems to be deeded
    So what the hell, I guess I am not needed!


    Being Alone

    Alone is a gift we give ourselves to understand and see
    We reminisce and ponder the thoughts and discussions with others
    As a personal reflection of who we are supposed to be
    Working this line just leaves chatters

    Stepping beyond this void of self denial
    We feel ourselves questioning our inner core
    As judge and jury we push the sentence with no appeal
    A lesser person we accept for ourselves with terms and no adore

    This is the flipside of what being alone is about
    For self love and acceptance is the deeper feeling
    Knowing that this is our true selves for there is no doubt Reassured
    tomorrow, friends and family is who we will be dealing.


    Feel the Squeeze

    Divorce is an interesting test of life's values
    Coming to grip with the other and their lack of reality
    Fantasies they lived in explains the disconnected dues
    And now they strike back from their sinking ship, limited in its
        totality

    The one divorcing spent the time to care
    Setting up the finances so she would not have to wonder Was
    this a mistake, paying her way, disallowing her despair?
    It was a last attempt at human decency, as I never wanted the mother
      of my children to blunder

    The rope around my neck tightens without appreciation
    As she demands her way without planning or consultation
    Hell or high-water is her game, giving up any future relation
    Sad it is, as I can feel, done is my caring without damnation.


    Love Look at Yourself

    There was one that strolled into my life
    Free spirited she resounded with just and strife
    Outgoing for others and undirected her game
    Wondering, what the hell, It's renewed just the same

    Presented to me she seemed so dear, kind and sincere
    If I only kept it at this level, we would still be having fun together
    I thought we loved each other, as you do this, than for me too, is the
        outcome
    My guess was wrong, as she wants her freedom

    So what is it that I do with the bottled feelings
    As my heart glows with her touch and needings
    She wants to step back and just be friends
    After we went through, I feel very dumped in the ends

    I take the responsibility of my dreams with her
    In reality, there is no dream, as she must defer
    Her inner feelings must be arranged
    For until then, she will not know as one self estranged

    For me it is time to wander, down the road of myself with appreciation
    As this has been secondary to others passion
    A whore I am not with my love and feelings
    Just a recap of my deepest dealings.


    When your love takes another

    The creeping feeling gnawing at my intuition is evident
    Although time and effort at the very least has been spent
    A knowing that she is not there at the levels I desire
    For giving us up, she must, to enable, her transpire

    I think of the many times we shared and loved eachother
    Over the many months, such adventures, sharing and comparing
    Yet there is this void I cannot comprehend
    What could this be, but a premature end.

    She decides to take a break, away from me, to find herself
    Asking for stepping back and to stop any of our dating with me
    Will yield the freedom to explore herself to be
    So onto another guy she planes, hoping to find her wanes

    Chopping off the arm of feel, so how is one to deal
    Understanding the other could be a measure
    Only this disallows my deep feelings I treasure
    Self worth means more to me, than being neglected into eternity


    Working thru the Void

    The vastness of the self abyss is overwhelming
    Working thru the functions of daily life is so grueling
    The persistent realization is, "why bother" of the doing
    You just want to care again and be normal, where's feeling?

    Your life seems so meaningless and devoid of reason
    Lacking purpose, so you shake your head, yet it never clears
    Like a zombie, moving in the known steps of the past, like treason
    Hoping that someday soon, life will return full of tears

    For the void brings such a volume of emptiness
    As yesterday it mattered, but today there is nothing
    Appeasement is earned thru simple appreciation of pasts unknowns
    As it is the time for life's void lesson to be dealing

    The void is plainly an adjustment for the soul to realize
    Life has been given so much to be here on earth, as a being
    With no realization many wonder here, forever and then demise
    But for those that are aware and brave, it is a tool for seeing


    Growing Up

    There is a new transition in my life that I must learn
    Letting go and being self-serving for me without discern
    Years of habit, as this was my means to share my joy of life and love
    To others dear and friends, to make them happy at every turn

    The level of this self-sacrifice just blows me away
    For it is so inherent in whom I am, with my ideals that all should be
    Loving life and supporting others, without judgment every day
    Allowing them to endure their hardships and experience, as it's their
        destiny

    Maturing now, I see my errors, disallowing others to have their
        despair
    For with this they learn life's lesson, as Karmic it is without guessing
    By standing and admiring them as their being, holding their hand
        when they feel like fleeing
    Knowing that through the pain of life and its training maze let it be
        as it might take them days

    In the end, they will or will not achieve their agreed contract in life
        or purpose
    For if they do not, its ok, no judgment, just love them as their steps
        take courage
    Sometimes life's prelessons cannot support the challenge, and like
        failures, they feel somehow less
    Careful of those that blame and strike out from insecurity, as it is a
        shield of their ego's obstinainity
    As these lack personal responsibility for their life's achievements,
        and they know it
    Writhing through life, trying to draw from others, love them too as
        they are our teachers
    For me it is a realization of these many aspects within me and without
    Being human and undergoing the many life's transitions, is definitely
        what we are all about.


    The Playground

    As youngsters, we are all free as we are supposed to be
    Playing in the playground, chasing, teasing, all of us a beacon of joy
    As we get older, we seek to resecure this innocence as we were so
        happy and unhindered
    Rules of the world drop in with their gates to avoid this ...

    We accept this and less of our freedom and embrace our bonds of
        adulthood
    Never able to take back our childhood, the sadness is there, as we are
        socially required to succeed
    Yet happiness this does not bring, but from our heart, it's just a weed
    So how do we return to the playground of life and its pure desires?

    It is a within look and securing that must take place, as nobody else
        will understand
    Freeing the mind and soul of others burdens is in itself a personal stand
    Remember the kids in the playground, why is it that we cannot let
        this joy abound?
    Because we accept less of ourselves and sacrifice to others, a game we
        adults feel we need to play to be accepted in our new playground.


    Indifference

    I have lived my life for others and their success
    Working one on one so as to support them to be the best
    This is a trait I naturally do, inspire and compliment
    Stepping back I find, others are drawn to this peppermint
    Yet where is their soul, purpose, strive, and endorsement

    The lesson must be summoned within them to deal outright
    For me it is knowing myself to be forthright
    Giving to a point and no more, letting others deal
    Realizing for me, there is an energy leak from my appeal
    Love them as they are without the trapeze or wheel

    Sitting here I realize many want to make an energy draw
    Looking at their life deficit account, they should crawl
    As appreciation for the years of work it does take
    To sustain the love and support for humanity of each at stake
    Then it comes home, like a brick on the head, why should I care?

    Bring in the beacon of inner life and set the field aglare
    Let the puppets dance their dance like Fred Astairre
    Why take on their stuff and help as this yet tarnishes their glare
    Allow them to differentiate themselves with good, the bad, and despair


    Serpent's Tail

    You draw your life to be a majesty of your creation
    Magical in thought with life's determination and self condemnation
    Always moving ahead to prove to yourself the ability and reason we
        are here
    As others wonder why are you not content to be as most others are

    You continue to pursue


    Your Friendship to me

    There is a lady I know who has helped me to grow
    Tis not a stature thing, but deep inside me
    Funny I could not see or realize her help and support
    Of opening my heart to a friend and allowing me to sort

    I was sure I knew what life's games were about
    Divorcing I am from a marriage that has concluded
    Not even aware of my habits, scars, and self doubt
    Thru her care and trust these are being extruded

    Impatient I am as for so long without being loved
    Not realizing that I was wrong as I could not see
    Thru our friendship she holds the energy for my self identity
    So I can once again find myself and be free

    Until this happens, I know we can only be friends
    For anything else is premature and unreal
    Someday we might change these trends
    For now, it is with appreciation, love and respect I feel

    Thank you.


    When there is only Spew.....

    I have chosen to take on the empety of others
    Thru my life, I thought it was my task
    Sitting here being smashed by the weight of it
    Wondering if I can manage this burden of deceit and tact

    I remember as a young child, sitting in the fields of my youth
    Watching the clouds and wind in the trees, where is my life to be?
    The freedom and self fulfillment and joy I had then
    Reminds me of what must happen now to be free

    The inner joy and self love I lost, it is for me to retake
    Societal exposé and reluctance with comment, who cares?
    As for me, self worth and trepedance (sp?) not need spare
    Regarding yourself is an aspiration for self and others

    The climax is coming down, like a rock slide to the bottom
    I know I will prevail and roll out and dust myself off
    Letting that old family go, for me I need to loft with anew
    And leave behind them and their game of a lesser roof.


(Continues...)

Excerpted from From Hell to Heaven, One Man's Journey by Daffy Gustav. Copyright © 2015 Daffy Gustav. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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