My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me: And Other Stories I Shouldn't Share with Acquaintances, Coworkers, Taxi drivers, Assistants, Job Interviewers, Bikini Waxers, and Ex/Current/Future Boyfriends but Have

My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me: And Other Stories I Shouldn't Share with Acquaintances, Coworkers, Taxi drivers, Assistants, Job Interviewers, Bikini Waxers, and Ex/Current/Future Boyfriends but Have

by Hilary Winston

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TV writer Hilary Winston offers up a witty collection of autobiographical tales about her misadventures in dating.
Just when Hilary feels like her life is finally in order, she gets a sucker-punch to the gut: Her ex has written a novel based on their relationship in which he refers to her throughout as the “fat-assed girlfriend.” Her response to this affront is just one of the many hilarious stories in My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me--a laugh-out-loud, tell-all in which Hilary sets the record straight on all her exes. Hilary Winston was writer and producer of the critically acclaimed comedy Community and was one of the writers for the Emmy®-award-winning show My Name Is Earl. She  is the creator of a new comedy that will air on CBS in early 2014, Bad Teacher.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781402788826
Publisher: Sterling
Publication date: 05/03/2011
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 240
Sales rank: 199,932
File size: 654 KB

About the Author

Hilary Winston is currently working as a writer and producer of the critically acclaimed comedy Community and was one of the writers for the Emmy®-award-winning show My Name is Earl. She began her writing career by getting people coffee at various places like National Public Radio and Hollywood Squares. She can now proudly say someone else gets her coffee. Unfortunately, she doesn’t like coffee. Winston lives in Los Angeles.

Table of Contents

Preface xi

Part 1 My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me

I Am the Fat-assed Girlfriend 3

Part 2 The Foundation Is Cracked

It All Started With a Garbage Pail Kid 19

Truly Tasteless Jokes, or How I Learned about Sex 23

I Know You're in There, Whore! 29

Hey, Baby, Let Me See Your Tattoo! 37

The Case of the Really Tight H.J. 41

He Didn't Even Look at Me Twice 45

Austin Powers, Jr. 47

My Gay Ex-boyfriends 51

Shy Pooper 61

Part 3 Bathing in Tandem AKA My First Adult Relationship

My First Adult Relationship 69

The Coital Laugh 73

Have You Been Fighting in Front of the Cat? 79

A Questionable Poo: The End of Romance 83

Witches Boarding School: My Sexual Fantasy 87

The Saddest Bath 91

My Landing Strip Is Stuck to You 97

Part 4 No More Baths (Well, Maybe a Few More)

This section will tell the stories from my acting out phase.

A Real, Genuine, 100-percent Bona Fide Christmas Miracle 107

Delta Employee Versus A Heartbroken Emotional Eater 111

Coworker Phone Sex 115

What Do You Think of My Boobies? 119

The Pre-famous Dude 125

Lolly's Acne 129

The Accidental Hand Job 131

How a Lean Cuisine Spa Meal Ruined the Perfect Hook-up 137

The "I-Can't-Believe-I-Live-on-the-Beach" Guy 141

The Texas Titty Twister 145

Whore Bath 147

Birthday Bath With a Stranger 151

What's Up With All the Baths? 153

Part 5 Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Things, and One Crazy-ass Mailman

Mom's Cancer, My Dying Cat, and Other Good First Date Topics 157

Gary, My Crazy-ass Horny Mailman 169

You Don't Believe in Love 173

Single People Are Not Welcome at Build-A-Bear 177

Past Life Regression Therapy 179

eRejection: My Foray into Online Dating 191

Part 6 Where Do Broken Vaginas Go? Do They Find Their Way Home?

My Broken Vagina 201

An Un-spiritual Awakening on Parking Level 4 207

The Last Supper, Olive Garden Style 211

Epilogue 219

Acknowledgments 224

Customer Reviews

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My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me 3.8 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 188 reviews.
BekahSC More than 1 year ago
The ultimate test of whether a book is truly funny is whether it will make me unexpectedly burst out laughing while riding public transportation. Any sudden outburst of uncontrollable laughter is automatically classified as "crazy," and other riders will start to give you as wide a berth as possible given the confines of a packed bus. But I couldn't help myself. When she wrote about the Texas Titty Twister, I laughed. When she wrote about staying in to apply Pro-Activ to her cat's chin acne, I laughed. And when she asked a guy if he liked her "boobies," I laughed so hard I snorted. Oh, and if anyone is curious about the book her boyfriend wrote about her, it's Chad Kultgen's Average American Male.
bookholiday More than 1 year ago
An exceptional book- hard to put down. Enjoyed it
Dr_Wilson_Trivino More than 1 year ago
Break ups are hard and can be painful. Not only by feeling rejected but by replaying all the scenarios as to what cause the break up, especially if you were dumped. What can be worse than a break up, but reading about it at your local Barnes and Nobles. That is exactly that happen to Hilary Winston. In her cute and funny book My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me: and Other Stories I Shouldn't Share with Acquaintances, Coworkers, Taxi Drivers, Assistants, Job Interviewers, Bikini Waxers, and Ex/Current/ Future Boyfriends But Have she chronicles her life post break up. Her love, Kyle was the perfect match, they enjoyed witty humor, the Olive Garden, and baths. In solidarity I read most of this book in a bath. So she picked up this novel by Kyle and began to read about their life together that was thinly veiled in fiction. Winston reaches back to her coming of age and learning about sex. Here few sexual escapes and how she finally settled into what she thought was her life love. Unfortunately he did not see it that way. All the while she tended to her cats, endless baths, and her enjoyment of naps. She is a writer in Los Angeles and hopefully her hilarious dialogue in the book makes it to the shows she is working on. In the end, you feel for Hilary and are appreciative of her for sharing an open vulnerable dialogue of the complexity of single life.
lisa barone More than 1 year ago
Loved this book. It is different and absolutley hysterical. Winston is witty, clever and cute. Hope she writes more!!! Thoroughly enjoyed and would recommend if you are looking for fun read.
Got2bTheRedhead More than 1 year ago
I haven't laughed so much in a long time. I LOVED this book. A little crass at times (just a forewarning) but I think most any girl, single or married can relate to some of Hilary's stories. We've all thought, 'This kind of thing only happens to me'. Well Hilary proves with her candid humor that it just isn't so. Despite the ex's betrayal in the form of so-called fiction, she tells all without coming across as bitter. I read this in one day because it kept me laughing! I've already bought another copy to share with my girlfriends.
Myaa More than 1 year ago
I am only half way through the book but so far it is hilarious. I like her honesty, intelligence and the fact that she is mildly inappropriate. I hope to never have that many gay ex-boyfriends. Great read.
AVIDREADER30 More than 1 year ago
This is such a funny book. The stories are real and raw and often hysterically mortifying. We've all been there. I started skimming it and then could not put it down. I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud so much while reading.
Debra Bernstein More than 1 year ago
This book was constantly entertaining. A must read for anyone, especially those fluent in sarcasm!
Evangeline_Han More than 1 year ago
This book should have a too much info warning in its beginning. Winston did not spare blushes in this candidly written book about her boyfriends. If I were any of her boyfriends, I would be squirming in my seat. Winston pokes fun at all the heartbreaking and hilarious relationships she has been in. She describes her ex-boyfriends in telling details. More often than not, they are placed in a negative light and it seemed as if she thought that there could be no perfection in her any of her exes. It was a relief to read her self-examination at the end of her book. She keeps herself grounded by admitting that she has character weaknesses too. The more pages I turned in the book, the more I wondered if Winston had used hyperbole. Characters in the book frequently had dramatic reactions to incidents. Either they were very colorful people or their reactions were exaggerated. This book is a collection of very personal of stories. Right from page 1, Winston practiced the no holds barred attitude. I was amazed at the way she doesn't shy from being brutally honest when narrating her stories. It takes plenty of guts to publish such an intimate, telling book. The ending of the book leaves something to be desired. Winston still hasn't fully gotten over her relationship with Kyle. Perhaps, there is a sequel in works? If there is a sequel, I will definitely want to read it. The thing I enjoyed most is Winston's writing style. She writes in a casual and humorous style. She is frank and expresses her emotions well in the book. My Boyfriend Wrote A Book About Me was a hilarious collection of stories about the ups and downs of Winston's relationship life. Its openness left me a little uncomfortable sometimes, but hey, this book is about real incidents in a real person's life. As for who "Kyle" is, read this book and then do a spot of Googling!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I received this book as part of a goody bag from an event I attended. I thought "a free book, whatever." I decided one night as it sat on my nightstand, to start looking at it. I went right to the middle (this is not a chapter book that you must read in order) and laughed out loud. I wanted to save this book for vacation but from that point on could not put it down. Hilary Winston is an every girl's girl. She gets us because she is us. Her heartbreak and the awkwardness of coming-of-age are simply hilarious. We are not alone! :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
A must read!!! It made me laugh and also realize that I don't NEED any man. I've been in a relationship for 5 years now (also with a kyle) and even though I love him, if that ever fades or we fall out of love I'll survive! The ending totally made me cry!! Its a great comedy book and she is easy to relate to!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read the book her ex wrote... ouch. But hers was funny short clips of guys from her whole life & it was a funny & relateable quick read. Not my favorite ever, but gave you a few laughs and had me nodding my head along in sympathy. So check it out.
Rachel Webster More than 1 year ago
One of the funniest books ive ever read
pooky53 More than 1 year ago
I finished this book in a few hours. Easy, quick, light, funny book!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The book starts with Hilary Winston standing in a Barnes & Noble in a panic, flipping through the book her ex-boyfriend has written about her. His book is a non-fiction book that he is trying to pass off as fiction, but it's all too real to Hilary. She wonders where she went wrong in her dating life to put her here and takes us on a trip down her memory lane. She recounts for us all her past relationships and what went wrong with them. Along the way we also learn about her disappointed family, her broken vagina, and her cats. The stories are all of the kind that you just can't make up, the kind your girlfriends make you tell over and over, but aren't 100% sure they believe. They are full of those little tiny details that are so funny that they make you laugh about an otherwise bad situation. Because these stories are true, she often leaves out names. I find myself wanting to know who is the movie star she saw naked, who she was working for when she was being sexually harrassed, and what is the name of the book written by her ex? In short, I want more.
woodsathome on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Hilary Winston was a young, comedic writer just beginning to find real success (My Name Is Earl, Community) when she picked a new piece of "fiction" her ex-live-in had written and found her life in those so-called fictional pages. Worse, her character was routinely referred to as "my fat-ass ex-girlfriend. So begins her own tale of neurotic,often toxic ex-relationships. Her writing style is frank, open and completely honest. Sometimes I think a little to open. I'm not the type to get offended by frank sexual discussions, though I think some readers might be. I just have to say - I was a little bored. I think she told me 3 or 4 times the aforementioned ex was really into 69, robot sex, and baths. When this type of detail is offered for every relationship it starts to feel a little juvenile. I don't know, it is probably just a difference in comedic sensibility (love Earl, am indifferent to Community). I just didn't find myself laughing - at all. I have the feeling it is meant to be humorous. I also have the feeling that a number of readers are likely to find the stories comedic gold. They fell flat for me. If you are a fan of Community and aren't bothered by frank sexuality, I'm sure you will enjoy this. For me, it was just OK.
abcarroll on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Winston writes candidly about her past relationships after discovering her ex-boyfriend has written a book about her. Winston is funny and refreshingly honest about her life and love, or lack thereof. A fun, humorous read...a great choice for a summer vacation. Warning: if you are easily offended or are not up for a share-all kind of book, this may not be for you, but if you are up for anything this may be the book for you!
emccullough on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Raunchy, funny, and sad. I wish this book had a happier ending, because Hilary Winston doesn't spare herself (or her boyfriends) in this tell-all book. Lots of amusing anecdotes here, but the writing is very choppy. I read this in galley format, so maybe the finished book will have a little more polish. Here's hopingn she moves on with her life but keeps the funny.
butrfli480 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I thought this book would be funnier than it was. It was very fragmented and it seemed to me like she would be talking about one thing and then that would set her off in a another completely unrelated direction. She also was a little heavy on the low self-esteem thing. She mentions it a little too much and the book reads like her personal therapy sessions. Not at all what I expected.
stephaniechase on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Winston is incredibly charming in real life -- I had the pleasure of hearing her speak at an author's breakfast -- and I looked forward to reading her memoir, which was put forward as equal parts revenge story and a growing-and-maturing history. While I found it a fast, easy read, I also found it to fall squarely in the "too much information" camp, and, as a librarian, I would find it difficult to recommend to patrons due to some of the subject matter discussed.
Tmyers526 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I got this book through Early reviewers, and I had really been looking forward to it. I was expecting something in the same vein as Sloane Crosley. Sadly, it just wasn't so. While there are some funny moments, and the very touching story at the end about her cat, I really did not need to know as much about her sex life as I learned in this book. I would, however, love to know who the infamous Kyle is, and to read his book.
tjsjohanna on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I requested this book through the Early Reviewers program because it looked like something I would enjoy. It was a memoir and it was supposed to be funny. Unfortunately, it wasn't what I thought it would be. If you are a reader who enjoys delving into the sexual exploits of other people, this will be an amusing read. I kept waiting for Ms. Winston to explore any other aspects of her relationships - but it was all pretty much about sex. And she does so in ways that are more explicit than I am comfortable with. Philosophically, I have to disagree with the worldview of this book - there is more to a relationship than sex, and Ms. Winston doesn't make the case that sex leads to happiness - quite the opposite. For me, it was a disappointing read.
bookwormteri on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Fun. I can't really think of too much to say other than every woman can relate to this book. Whether we have been there or heard stories from our girlfriends about their awkward dating episodes, we can relate. One thing that I can say is I have always hung onto the idea that there is someone out there, and often have looked to my past and wondered if maybe I was too hasty. I haven't. And neither has Hilary, we tend to romanticize the past, but it wasn't all that great.Some of the stories are funny, some are poignant. Readable, but probably not all that different from the other memoirs out there.Also, what book did Kyle write? And who was the famous actor that she slept with who then exploded into fame? I am just curious....
bobbieharv on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Hilary Winston was upset (among many other reasons) that her boyfriend's book was billed as fiction despite the fact that it was true, and truly about her. So she wrote this non-fiction book, which is excruciatingly true about her. I see she's sold it to Paramount, which is great for her - and a movie will give it some distance the book doesn't have. I say all this because it was very hard for me to read this book, and it's harder still to review - because of its excruciating truthfulness. I felt like a fly on the wall in her therapist's office, or like I'd broken into her diary. I admired her way with words, her ability to put the reader right smack dab in the middle of a scene (sex scenes, often), while at the same time feeling so, so sad for her. All the sex, all the hook-ups, all the searching for the next man to replace the last man, obscure the real feeling, perceptive person that she is, that comes through in my favorite chapter (the one that one reviewer thought was filler), the one about her mother with cancer and her dying cat. If, after the movie, she chooses to write another book, I can't wait to read it.
ijustgetbored on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Winston's book is a tell-all-- and I do mean a tell-all, but the sub-title of the book (". . . and Other Stories I Shouldn't Share with Acquaintances, Co-Workers, Taxi Drivers, Assistants, Job Interviewers, Bikini Waxers, and Ex/Current/Future Boyfriends but Have") should definitely tip you off to that fact. If abundant sharing is not your thing, this is not your book. If, like me, it doesn't bother you, then dig in. One of the selling points of this book could be, in fact, a sense that you can identify with what she's talking about because she doesn't hold anything back or get hung up on the niceties. This is life as life is lived, uncensored, and you feel all the closer to Winston because this is how she's chosen to present it. It also makes her a more vunerable narrator, not a screeching harridan hell-bent on revenge for the titular boyfriend who wrote a book about his "fat-assed" ex-girlfriend: her.The book is divided into six parts. Of those six parts, the first four basically center on the theme of relationships, including the one of the title. The last two kind of veer off into other territories; I knocked the book's overall star rating down a bit because these last two parts, while still containing quality material, seemed more scattershot and less tied into a central theme. It's like she wrote the first four parts, then needed to take up some more space in her book, so filled the last two parts with all the other essays she wanted to write but couldn't topically tie into the the first four parts. So the last segment of the book seems a little disjointed, which is a bit jarring. As I said, the material itself isn't the problem; it's the problem of fitting into an overarching theme for the book that seems to be an issue here.Winston's writing, while funny, is not what you'd call (literally) laugh-out-loud hilarious. There were plenty of times I was smiling, but only during one essay-- "Single People Are Not Welcome at Build-A-Bear"-- did I find myself actually laughing out loud and reading bits of it to someone else. It's kind of hard to quantify a level of "funniness" when writing a review of a book. For me, a truly hilarous book has me chortling and disturbing other by constantly interrupting their reading with my readings from my book. A book that's amusing, but not in a way that will have me remembering particular lines from it later, will have me smiling quietly to myself. A lot of the humor derived, as I mentioned before, from the "been there, done that" sense that Winston conveys. Some of the essays, particularly in those final two parts of the book, tended a bit toward the melancholy, disrupting the casual rapport she'd previously established with the reader. It's just plain going to be hard for anyone to make cancer and dying cats amusing to me.One thing I really admired about Winston was that she had here an opportunity to write a book that would be a vindictive attack on her ex-boyfriend who, as the title states, wrote a rather nasty book (fictionalized) about her. Rather than doing that, she remembers their relationship for the good and the bad, recognizing faults in both parties. She's really very fair in her assessment of the whole thing. There were plenty of openings for her to be mean and to caricture him, make cheap jokes at his expense, but she doesn't sink to do that. She's all the more likeable because of that; there's no mean spirit here.So, overall: A solid entry. Funny, but not overwhelmingly hilarious. Solid most of the way through as to a theme, then veers off course a little toward the end. For the "not overwhelmingly hilarious" and the meandering, I'm knocking off a half-star. I would read Winston again, though. I like her too much to dump her-- unlike her ex-boyfriend.