Sh*t My Dad Says

Sh*t My Dad Says

Audio CD(Unabridged)

View All Available Formats & Editions
Choose Expedited Shipping at checkout for guaranteed delivery by Friday, February 28
14 New & Used Starting at $1.99


After being dumped by his longtime girlfriend, twenty-eight-year-old Justin Halpern found himself living at home with his seventy-three-year-old dad. Sam Halpern, who is "like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair," has never minced words, and when Justin moved back home, he began to record all the ridiculous things his dad said to him:

"That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them."

"Do people your age know how to comb their hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their heads and started fucking."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."

Almost two million people now follow Mr. Halpern's philosophical musings on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his quotes. An all-American story that unfolds on the Little League field, in Denny's, during excruciating family road trips, and, most frequently, in the Halperns' kitchen over bowls of Grape-Nuts, Sh*t My Dad Says is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father-son relationship from a major new comic voice.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780062073402
Publisher: HarperCollins US
Publication date: 11/30/2010
Edition description: Unabridged
Pages: 128
Sales rank: 420,032
Product dimensions: 5.50(w) x 4.90(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Justin Halpern is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says, inspired by his massively popular Twitter feed. SPOILER ALERT: He lives with his wife in Los Angeles.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See All Customer Reviews

Sh*t My Dad Says 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 4347 reviews.
Dawn_Briscoe More than 1 year ago
Absolutely hilarious ~ I couldn't read it without spontaniously laughing out loud thru-out the whole book. Also an interesting look at parent/child relationships and a reminder that love can be shown in many different ways.
TroyP More than 1 year ago
I just bought this book and am only about 4 chapters into it and already I have laughed so hard my sides hurt. I have read some sections to my wife and she too has laughed a lot. This book isn't for anyone who does not like bad language but if you don't mind it this book will crack you up. My mother was a lot like the writers dad. What ever hit her brain often came out her mouth spiced with curse words. I loved my mom for her honesty and that you always knew where you stood with her. This guys dad is like that and I think I would love hanging around this out spoken and hard working man. It would remind me of home. The writing is done in a very friendly way. That is to say you can almost hear the writer's voice in your head telling you these stories and picture him rolling his eyes and blushing at the antics of his outspoken dad. It is a very fun read that is just for laughs. But if you read closely you can also tell that this outspoken man loves and supports his family 100% and no one is more on their sides than he is. Reminds me of my folks again. But if you don't want to get too deep into the meaning of the stories but just need a laugh then this book is great too. I can see myself rereading this book for a good laugh when I feel like I need one and telling friends about sections of it. By the way this is my first book review ever. I love books and reading and figure I often like reading what others have to say about a book and thought I would finally put my two cents worth in on something I liked.
bobertpope More than 1 year ago
This book has inspired me to reconnect with my father after three years of pointless feuding. Humor has been the only thing to connect us and this book reminds me og our relationship. After I finished the book I gave my dad a call and suggested that he giive it a look. A week passed and my dad called to tell me how much he was enjoying the book. We met up for the first time in three years just to talk about the book. Thanks Justin!!
playpianoinaflash More than 1 year ago
I just finished the book this morning. It was a bathroom book that got read in bits and pieces which suited the format perfectly. For 5 days my wife kept hearing me actually laugh out loud and wondered what I was up to in the "john." As I read hilarious after hilarious anecdotes about the author's Dad, I just kept thinking "this guy is a piece of work!" I sure hope his Dad turns into a fictional character in a move or TV series because if what is in the book is not exaggerated or made up (and who cares if it was - it's FUNNY) his Dad is a better character than any sitcom writer could dream up. As a (very) mild warning, the foul language comes early and often as it seem his Dad has a real potty mouth to say the least. But frankly, it only added to my vision of the hilarious quips this guy "carpet bombed" his kids with as they grew up. Finally, amidst the laugh out loud family stories, the author (son) really expresses the back-assword type of love and caring his Dad had for his kids, even if he expressed it in unbelievably crass and funny ways. I'm so happy I happened across this while on a biz trip last week ... I'll be laughing with buddies reciting quotes from this book for years. Nice work Mr. Halpern(s) - both Father and Son.
BLUEEYEBE More than 1 year ago
When Justin Halpern was 28 years old he was dumped by his girlfriend and needed a place to live, so back to his parents he went. Working from his home, as a writer for a Magazine, gave him the time to see his father through adult eyes. The terror that he had felt when he was young, due to his father's hold nothing back bluntness, began to be replaced by admiration and awe for the only person that he had ever known who really spoke his mind without censorship. It was only then that he began to see the wisdom in his dad's observations and began posting them on his Twitter page with the same title as this book. This is just adorable and heartwarming! I think we all know someone like this!
georoof More than 1 year ago
For those meek and timid souls who're easily offended by explicit, flowery, illustrative, and sometime graphic adjectives, I'd suggest you move on after the title. For the rest of us who grew up in the real world, this book is rib-tickling and hilariously funny. This could well have been MY dad and my daughters tell me it could have been me (which I take as extremely complimentary). I've recommended it to my peer group and asked them to pass it along to theirs. There's no "theme" or "story line" but rather an autobiographical view of the authors surely colorful upbring in a loving family. From the subjects obvious popularity, I'm not the only one who feels this is a must read. Now I have to join Facebook and Twitter for a continuum.
GypsyHorseBreeder More than 1 year ago
I came from as strange a family as many of the reviewers here and the author. So I get the humorous side of the topic of families and things parents say. But this book just really wasn't that funny. After the fiftieth time you read that Dad said something goofy and then SWEAR SWEAR SWEAR.....It was just the same thing over and over again. I know the other reviews said LAUGH OUT LOUD.....I really didn't. Sorry. And, it was only 112 pages...but actually that was enough as it became VERY repetitive.
PG_Watson More than 1 year ago
I won't tell you about the book. I'll tell you that I picked it up, opened to page 5 and read the quote on "Accidents". Well, I started to laugh and keep myself from laughing at the same time which of course makes you look like a complete idiot. I honestly had tears streaming down my face and had to tell my 6 year old to not yell for anyone I was fine through choked laughter. It took me past checking out to get control of myself and I bought 6 copies, 1 for myself and the rest for guys for father's day. This book should seriously have a warning.
Aly-MO More than 1 year ago
I've seen the tweets but thought that an entire book of them would be too much... I was wrong. Sh*t My Dad says is a brilliant and hilarious look at family life. If you are looking for a good laugh, and aren't offended by colorful languarge, this book is a must read. I can't wait to see the tv show adaptation!
mycute3 More than 1 year ago
I loved this book! I was laughing out loud even crying sometimes from laughter throughout this book. Justin's dad is such a character. Even though he says it like it is you can tell he really loves and respects his family. Such a great, unique book!!
Nanners2816 More than 1 year ago
I have NEVER read a book that had me crying from laughing so much. I was telling a friend of mine about this book at dinner last night and was laughing so hard she couldn't understand a word I was saying. You will NOT be disappointed with this purchase. This is a keeper and one I will read over and over again.
MarciMC More than 1 year ago
There were so many wonderful things his father said that I could relate to, and that part of the book I enjoyed. However, I could not get past the language his father used around his children. For a man, as educated as his father was, it was hard for me to overlook the language his father used. Marci
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The book was full of non-stop hilarity. Having a father who also "swears like a sailor", this hit close to home. I could completely relate and I enjoyed every page. I was reading snippits every few minutes aloud to my family. I recommend this to everyone who would not be offended by language content. :) Awesome!
ShoneyRamone More than 1 year ago
I managed to read through this book in two sittings, which comes to show how easy it is to follow. It wasn't a bad book in every sense of the word. I've read plenty of those, but it certainly could've been better. The writing, as far as craft goes, wasn't as polished and well-manipulated as that of Burroughs or Sedaris (since I think they all fall in the same genre), and sometimes it felt like the chapters would just abruptly end when there could've been more to them. That's not to say that Halpern was in any way claiming to be as good as Burroughs and Sedaris anywhere in the book. Even his father couldn't believe that he had a book deal. However, I just felt he had excellent material for what could've been a touching, yet hilarious story. Which brings me to the next point: the comedy. At first, it had very funny moments. I especially liked one near the beginning when his father is pointing out their dog's anus, explaining how its dilating which means its about to defecate (in his dad's vocabulary, of course), but halfway through the book, it just starts to get repetitive and seems like the only thing of shock value is the use of profanity. I personally would either check it out at my library, or just read it for free at a Barnes and Noble store if you have a Nook.
Winterblue More than 1 year ago
There are parts of this book that made me laugh so hard I started crying. I would not recommend reading this book in public as people will look at you weird for all the snorting you will be doing from trying not to laugh out loud like a crazy person. I highly suggest this book to anyone who needs a good laugh.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I found little funny or of any value in this book - quite a disappointment.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I loved the playfulness of this story, while at the same time I could see how Dad's philosophies impacted the lives of his kids. A very warm, engaging short story.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Absolutely loved this book! I believe it touches every human emotion with unabashed honesty. Thank you for laughter through tears.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It wasn't nearly as hilarious as some other reviews I have read, but it wasn't the worst book ever.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Not sure how our Book Club got this one~ pass, the kid is funny, but the language is rough
Wood_Bender More than 1 year ago
The title is a good clue to the limited vocabulary of his father dispite his having a MD.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
You can go to the fb for it for free. And the sample is just the intro.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Crying laughing funny.
dgh2010 More than 1 year ago
I'm suprised this author grew up with any self worth or self esteem. His father, Sam, was extremely verbally abusive. Small parts of this book were humorous, but the rest was just disgusting. The television version of this book was watered down so as to be almost unrecognizable.
-TESSA- More than 1 year ago
What more can I possibly say than allof these fantastically overwhelming five star reviews? Anyone who gives it a bad review only reveals the lack of a sense of humor about themselves. Behind each perfectly hilarious phrase there lies the heartwarming lesson, (without being mushy), and the more than obvious caring factor. I know everyone who has read this has identified with this character because we all know someone just like this, a father, an uncle, brother, a husband, that we have hesitated to take them to an important function for fear of what was going to come out of their mouths. Then when it happens we are the first to be laughing about the stories as we share the precious memories with our friends and families forever after. Yes! This is the perfect gift for anyone, male, female, related or not, sick, well or depressed, for a boatload of heartfelt memories and laughs to perk them up and make them see the good in life. Majority rules!