The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said

The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said

by Robert Byrne

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A fresh selection of sharp, witty zingers gathered from both famous and utterly unknown (but very quotable) sources, by the editor of the popular quote collection The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said.

Robert Byrne’s quote books are widely praised as authoritative and accessible sources of sayings for any and all occasions. Byrne’s own wit, diligent research, and creativity combine to form a fresh go-to reference that serves readers better than Google—no Wi-Fi required. The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said is an all-new collection of clever quips and laugh-out-loud punch lines from Gracie Allen to Frank Zappa, on such topics as sex, divorce, religion, fashion, animals, and money:

STEVE MARTIN: “I’d do anything for a good body except exercise and eat right.”
JON STEWART: “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”
NORA EPHRON: “Successful parents have adult children who can pay for their own psychoanalysis.”

This compilation, to be enjoyed by generations young and old, deserves a place of honor on every language lover’s bookshelf.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781451648911
Publisher: Touchstone
Publication date: 05/01/2012
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 672
Sales rank: 1,071,878
File size: 11 MB
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About the Author

Robert Byrne is the author of seven novels, five collections of humorous quotations, seven books on billiards, and an exposé of frauds in the literary world. Byrne was born and raised in Dubuque, Iowa, where he has a regular humor column in the Dubuque Herald Times. Visit his website at

Table of Contents

Introduction xi

Dating 1

Sex 57

Men and Women 242

Men and Men 339

Love 353

Marriage 388

Birthing and Babies 522

Children 555

Mothers 611

Divorce 632

Religion 657

Life 801

Conversation 859

Education 889

Happiness 937

Beauty 959

Food 987

Drink 1,095

Health 1,128

Doctors 1,203

Aging 1,228

Suicide 1,277

Death 1,295

Show Business 1,361

Music 1,424

Art 1,468

Television 1,484

Fashion 1,500

Animals 1,546

Travel 1,621

Sports 1,746

Crime 1,844

Working 1,883

Lawyers 1,935

Boredom 1,948

Money 1,962

Science and Technology 2,018

Truth 2,063

Hooey 2,077

Stupidity 2,098

Politics 2,127

War 2,245

Writing 2,271

Books 2,348

Proverbs 2,381

Answers 2,395

Facts 2,417

Assorted Nuggets 2,475

Notes and Index of Sources 599

Index of Authors 605

Index of Subjects and Key Words 625

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