The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger

The Cow in the Parking Lot: A Zen Approach to Overcoming Anger

by Susan Edmiston, Leonard Scheff


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Don’t get mad. Get calm.

Ask yourself: “Do I really want to be angry?” Leonard Scheff, a trial attorney who used anger to fuel his courtroom persona, realized the answer had to be no. Anger is toxic. Anger is in the eyes of the beholder.

Using simple Buddhist principles and applying them in a way that is easy for non-Buddhists to understand and put into practice, Scheff and Susan Edmiston have created an interactive book that helps readers change perspective, step-by-step, so that they can replace the anger in their lives with newfound happiness. Based on the Transforming Anger workshop Shceff created, The Cow in the Parking Lot shows how anger is based on unmet demands, from the reasonable (we want love from our partner) to the irrational (we want respect from a total stranger) to the impossible (we want someone to fix everything in our life).
The authors show how, once we identify our real unmet demands, we can dissolve the anger. The same is true for our “buttons”—once we understand them, we can defuse what happens when they’re pushed.

We learn to laugh at ourselves, a critical early step in changing angry behavior. We learn how to deal with the anger of others, and ultimately how to transform anger into compassion.

And finally, we learn the liberating truth: Only you can make yourself angry.


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780761158158
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company, Inc.
Publication date: 06/24/2010
Pages: 197
Sales rank: 132,220
Product dimensions: 5.00(w) x 6.90(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Susan Edmiston, a former editor at Redbook and Glamour, writes for New York, The New York Times Magazine and Book Review, Esquire, The San Francisco Chronicle, and Women's Day. She lives in Berkeley, California. 

Leonard Scheff, a successful trial lawyer in Tucson, Arizona, is also a practicing Buddhist who, for the last fifteen years, has conducted seminars on managing anger.

Table of Contents

Introduction 1

Chapter 1 A New Approach to Dealing with Anger 11

Chapter 2 A First Look at Anger How does it Feel? 28

Chapter 3 The Cause of Anger An Unmet Demand 39

Chapter 4 The Cost of Anger Who Pays? 54

Chapter 5 Anger and Awareness Who Me Angry? 70

Chapter 6 Pride, Honor, and Other Buttons Our Sore Spots 88

Chapter 7 Giving and Receiving Shifting the Emotional Balance 102

Chapter 8 The Mythology of Happiness Do we Really Know What's Good for Us? 116

Chapter 9 Unshakeable Calm Dealing with the Anger of Others 130

Chapter 10 To Be or Not to Be Angry You have a Choice 149

Chapter 11 Transforming Anger into Compassion Wielding the Flame of Fury 161

Chapter 12 Coming to a Conclusion What Happens When we Give Up Anger? 185

Further Reading 195

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