This Book Has Balls: Sports Rants from the MVP of Talking Trash

This Book Has Balls: Sports Rants from the MVP of Talking Trash

by Michael Rapaport

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The sports world according to Michael Rapaport—actor, Top 50 podcaster, award-winning film maker, and sports fanatic—from the greatest and downright worst athletes, players, teams, and jerseys, but minus statistics, analytics, or anything else that isn’t pure hustle in this “hell of a book” (Shaquille O'Neal).

In 1979, nine-year-old Michael Rapaport decided he was going to do whatever it took to be a pro baller. He practiced and practiced, but by the time he was fifteen, he realized there was no place for a slow, white Jewish kid in the NBA. So, he found another way to channel his obsession with sports: talking trash.

In the “crazy, passionate, funny and intense” (Colin Cowherd) This Book Has Balls, Rapaport uses his signature smack-talk style and in-your-face humor to discuss everything from why LeBron will never be like Mike, that Tiger needs the ladies to get his golf game back, and how he once thought Mary Lou Retton was his true love. And, of course, why next year will be the year the New York Knicks win the championship. This book is a series of rants—some controversial, some affectionate, but all incredibly hilarious. “Something is wrong with Michael Rapaport but that’s what makes him right,” (Charlamagne tha God).

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781501160332
Publisher: Atria Books
Publication date: 10/24/2017
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 304
Sales rank: 952,889
File size: 35 MB
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About the Author

Michael Rapaport is an actor, director, and comedian who’s appeared on TV shows such as Friends, Justified, The War at Home, and Prison Break, and in films such as True Romance and Mighty Aphrodite. He directed the award-winning 2011 documentary Beats, Rhymes & Life: The Travels of a Tribe Called Quest and an ESPN 30 for 30 film When The Garden Was Eden that premiered in 2014. His sports podcast, I Am Rapaport, has almost two million monthly listeners and regularly makes the iTunes top 50. He’s also a diehard Knicks fan. This Book Has Balls is his first book.

Table of Contents

An Imperative Note from the Editor xiii

Disruptive Behavior 101 1

An Open Apology to Larry Legend 7

Ain't No Fact Checkin' 11

Why Lawrence Taylor Is the Greatest Football Player Ever 15

An Open Letter to Tiger Woods 21

My Gold Medal Sweetheart, Mary Lou Retton 27

Good Men in Bad Pieces 35

Bill Russell Is Overrated, Deal with It 41

Dolph Schayes and the Athletic Jews of Yesteryear 49

Allen Iverson and the Weeping Woman 53

The Michael Rapaport Celebrity Scouting Report, Volume 1 57

#MadShaming 67

Question Time for Bill Belichick 73

Hookers, Pills, Dwarfs, and the Las Vegas Raiders 79

Fa Fa Fantasy Football 85

Twenty-Second Time-Out: Hamilton, the Musical that's Not Hip-Hop 91

Catching Punts 95

LaVar Can't Ball 99

The Magic of Magic 103

The Beautiful Audacity of Muggsy Bogues 109

Geno, Go Get Your Shine Box, Geno 113

Fuck Spin Class 121

Even When We Suck, New York City Is Still the Mecca 129

The Irony of Charles Oakley 135

The Eviction of Phil Jackson: An Absurd One-Act Play 141

Halftime!: My Spiritual Connection with the Housewives of Bravo TV 155

Rapaport's Real Housewife Top Twenty Power Rankings, Volume 1 159

23 Reasons Why LeBron Will Never Be Like Mike 165

Venus and Serena Kicked all the Ass, but Richard Williams Is the MVP 183

Phife Dawg: Words from the Five-Foot Assassin 187

If Iron Mike Tyson Can Find Inner Peace, So Can I 193

Great in the Ring, Shitty in Life 197

The Great White Hype of Ronda Rousey 201

Why Boxers Make More Money than MMA Fighters 205

Rocky Is Great, but Not the Greatest 209

The Bronx Bull, the Raging Bull 213

Caitlyn, Caitlyn, Caitlyn 221

Stickmen: The Ultimate List of Great Stickmen, Part 1 225

These Sneakers Are Made for Walking 243

Me and Ali 247

The Champ 251

The Skinny-Jeanification of Sports 259

The Bachelor of Montana 265

The Greatest Ever Eva!!!! 269

Acknowledgments 275

Index 277

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