Who doesn't want to feel fulfilled or to experience happiness if only for a fleeting moment? Woman To Woman...We've Been Duped! explores how we, as women, can find such simple pleasures that seem so hard to attain. If you are ready to face the cold hard truth then this is the book for you. We, ladies have been duped! A cruel trick has been played on us and we have fallen for it! Find out how and by whom. The answer may surprise you, but with God's help, we can turn the tables and take charge of ourselves, our lives, and ultimately, our destiny!
Author Chrishna Bowe tells us that she has been troubled by the fact that the world has told us a lie-one that creates havoc in our lives and prevents us from becoming the fulfilled women that God has called us to be. That lie or dream or fallacy, whatever you want to call it, is that superwomen exist, and we have been deluded into thinking that we can actually be superwomen! The author has watched as women have practically killed themselves, physically as well as emotionally, trying to keep up with all the different roles they think they have to play-some of them self-imposed, and others imposed upon them.
Woman To Woman...We've Been Duped! offers hope to all women who want to live a life of peace, joy and contentment.
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Woman To Woman ... We've Been Duped!
Recognize, Analyze, and Optimize Your Life
By Chrishna Bowe
iUniverse LLCCopyright © 2014 Chrishna Bowe
All rights reserved.
Truth Be Told
He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. —1 John 2:4
Truth. It's such a simple word but a reality so hard for many of us to accept. When I got the idea to write this book, several thoughts went through my mind. Foremost was the question, Who are you to think that you have something valuable to share? For many years, self-doubt prevented me from starting this book. You know, I'd ask myself, I'm not some kind of scholar or even a college graduate, so why should I think that I can become an author? Then I remembered that I am who God says I am: wonderfully made and a vessel just like any other, blessed with gifts, and called to do what he has called me to do—that is, to fulfill my purpose in his kingdom and bring others to Christ.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. —Psalms 139:14
God wants to use our talents and passions for his work, and ultimately, recognizing that fact is what propelled me to write this book. I knew that God wanted me to share my wisdom with others, however little I may have. There was a constant nagging in my heart that this was something I had to do. I can only describe it as the Holy Spirit, and I am so happy that I am finally being obedient, if only to encourage other women or to share with them some of my personal insights and the love for writing that God has graciously given me. Every woman has been blessed by God with some talent or passion, and she is given that talent to use for his glory, to fulfill his purpose for her life.
Now, the pages that you are about to read contain information that you may love, hate, laugh at, or cringe at. But make no mistake: this information holds a truth we all need. We women are divine, beautiful, complex creatures, and this book only begins to explore who we are. As women, our emotions can sometimes supersede our logic, and this can block our recognition of the truth. We want to appease our emotions and believe that they are always right; on the contrary, they are very often wrong and can lead us down an ungodly path.
We must learn to recognize truth and obey it. That sounds so simple, but the older I get, the more I realize that truth is a rare commodity. We do things like telling someone what they want to hear even though it may be a lie, ignoring the truth if it is preventing us from getting what we want, or flat-out denying the truth to avoid having to suffer a penalty.
Ye shall not steal, neither deal falsely, neither lie one to another. —Leviticus 19:11
I trust that this book will be the inspiration that you need to enrich your spiritual and earthly walk and to help you discover God's true purpose for your life. I pray that God's blessings will flow abundantly in your life, more than you can ever imagine.
Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. —Ephesians 3:20
May we continue to follow Christ's greatest commandment: loving one another not as the world loves but as Christ loves us.
A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. —John 13:34
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another. —Romans 12:10
This is my motivation, the reason that I live: my love for you, my sisters, and my love for Christ. Enjoy and receive ...CHAPTER 2
A Godly Woman
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. —Proverbs 31:30
The question of the hour is, Are we really godly women, or do we just say that we are but actually live in a world where we do ungodly things and then justify them? Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you go to church as much as the pastor but continue to gossip about your sisters or brothers?
2. Do you read your Bible every day but refuse to be a helpmate to your husband?
3. Do you constantly pray for material things, forgetting to be thankful for what you already have?
4. Do you look at your sister down the street and envy her nice car, her split-level home, or the beautiful necklace that she is wearing?
5. Do you turn into the devil himself when you're angry, losing all control?
6. Do you have such a sour, negative attitude that no one would ever guess that you're a Christian?
7. Do you express your love for God daily but express no love for those around you?
These are just a few questions we all should ponder—and I'm sure we all would say, "No, that doesn't describe me." But truth be told, these questions describe many of us Christian sisters exactly! If you are reading this book, then I trust that you're like me—ready to take on the task of discovering if you are truly a daughter in whom God can be well pleased.
And lo, a voice from heaven saying, This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased. —Matthew 3:17
I have to warn you: this book contains no pretense, only realities, so be prepared to read some things that will make you uncomfortable and possibly cause you to take a long, hard look at yourself. This is nothing to be ashamed of; after all, I have done so countless times myself throughout the writing of this book. I believe in being real about who we are and making the necessary changes that will give us our VIP tickets to the pearly gates! Yes, ladies, we have to do some serious self-examination if we want to be truly godly women. As I go about my daily life, I am amazed at our behavior as Christian women, and I am saddened because so many of us simply will not end up in heaven. Tradition will not get us there. Being good people will not get us there. Perfect attendance at church services will not get us there. The question we must ask ourselves is Are we really willing to do what it takes to be women of God?
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. —1 Corinthians 6:9–10
Every day in modern society, it is taught that if you are to be a true success, you must eat, sleep, drink whatever it is I'm trying to attain. The same is true for your walk with God: you must put him first always to live a life for him. If you live by God's instructions in his word, you will experience the joys of being a woman of God.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. —Proverbs 3:6CHAPTER 3
A Worldly Woman
Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. —1 John 2:15–17
I have heard my pastor say it, and I've been embarrassed to admit to myself that it is true: if you go into a room filled with women, it becomes very difficult to distinguish which women are Christians and which ones are not. That is a powerful observation. It is also an eye-opener for us women of God. Why has this happened? Because we have become so engrossed with the way the world does things that we have failed to live God's way. We have failed to stand firmly for God, and instead we've gotten caught up in the whirlwind of Satan's system, which is this world. We dress like the world, walk like the world, and talk like the world, and as my momma used to say, "If you walk like a duck and quack like a duck, then guess what? You must be a duck!" Living this way is contrary to God's instructions for us.
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. —Matthew 5:16
The scary thing about becoming very worldly is that Satan changes us so subtly that we don't even recognize the changes in ourselves. I would like to address several areas in which we are actually worldly when we should be godly.
This area stands out to me, maybe because it involves the exterior, which tends to be the first impression others have of us. Before I continue, let me make it patently clear that I think we should look good; in fact, I consider looking good very important to a woman's sense of confidence. However, looking good and dressing inappropriately as a woman of God are entirely different things. Do you know the primary reason my pastor could not recognize the Christian women? Let me enlighten you. Ladies, our skirts are just as short, our cleavages just as exposed, our pants just as tight, and the slits in our skirts just as high as those of unsaved women—sometimes even more than those of unsaved women. Now, I was a bit of a slinky dresser myself years ago, when I was young, very slim (ha ha), and unsaved. Short shorts, miniskirts, midriff blouses ... I loved them! But as my love relationship with Christ grew, so did my awareness of how I dressed. Change didn't happen overnight, and I am still improving in some areas, but the point is, I dress very differently now than I did before.
Now please, I am not asking anyone to wear skirts that sweep the floor or blouses that choke her. Just remember that we are ambassadors for God, and our bodies are temples of the Lord. We have to treat them as such.
What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? —1 Corinthians 6:19
We must also remember that when our clothing reveals parts of our body that are private, we commit a disservice to the Lord. Imagine trying to witness to a gentleman when your cleavage is exposed. Do you think the poor guy will be able to concentrate on what you are saying? Or think about this: you are sitting in the front pew at church, and your skirt is so high up on your thigh that the moderator, pastor, and praise team are practically blinded by the image during the service.
The problem with being scantily clad is that God gets no glory from it! Even every one that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him; yea I have made him. —Isaiah 43:7
In fact, by dressing this way, you are opening the door for God to be mocked. You are saying, "I am no different from the woman who is unsaved. Why shouldn't I use my body to distract men or encourage them to lust?" I do not know the author who first penned the cliché, but it is a well-known and very truthful one: First impressions are lasting. The next time you are dressed, ask yourself this question: Would those around me view me as a credible witness for Christ? You see, it's not about the clothes themselves, but about the message we send when we wear them. Honestly, I think that we simply get caught up in the latest trends and styles that we see around us. Some of us think dressing provocatively does no harm; we have assets, so why not show them? And then some of us just love drama and getting all the attention that it brings to us. Whatever your personal reason, know that when you put on the Christian banner, these things must change. We are commanded not to be stumbling blocks to others who are seeking Christ. Our outward appearance greatly impacts our effectiveness as witnesses for God.
Now, there is also the other extreme of dress for Christian women, and that is dressing like a nun or with no desire to accentuate your femininity. Nowhere in the Bible does God command you to dress as if you're eighty when you're thirty! Our dresses do not have to be so loose that we look like we're wearing garbage bags, our blouses do not have to look like something that was worn in the sixties, and our shoes do not have to look like we are nurses about to go into the operating room. We can look beautiful and godly at the same time. Esther was described as beautiful, as were Rebecca and many other women in the Bible. Beauty starts within and eventually manifests itself on the outside.
The advantage of living in our society today is that the clothing and beauty options are endless. Nice, beautiful blouses, including tunics with colors, beading, and artwork; skirts that are long or mid-length, colorful, and nicely tailored; wrap dresses that cinch the waist; maxi dresses ... these are just a few examples of what's available for us godly women. For some reason, there seems to be a consensus among some Christian women that you must not wear beautiful or modern clothes if you are saved, but this is not biblical thought as much as it is tradition. On the contrary, you should be careful not to age yourself unnecessarily or make yourself look really unattractive. You have an obligation to God, your husband, and yourself to dress with excellence—meaning that you are always clean, presentable, and putting your best foot forward in the way you dress. God would expect nothing less!
Our Speech and Attitude
We all know the saying that the tongue is mightier than the sword, and indeed it is. It can also be one of our worst enemies. You know us women—talk, talk, talk. I'll confess right now that I'm no exception to this stereotype; I am known as a talker. In Proverbs, Solomon extols the virtues of being a wise woman, not a foolish one.
What we say is just as important as how we act. What seems to be an overriding problem for us is the G-word: gossip.
The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. —Proverbs 18:8
Spreading unkind or malicious rumors, we just can't seem to keep certain things between us and God. Sometimes we dress it up as spiritual gossip, but it is gossip all the same. Many of the rumors we hear aren't even true, and if that's the case, we have a duty not to help spread them. Gossip can really hurt others. Seriously, it is very important not to pass judgment or repeat statements that have not been validated. If a rumor is really burdensome for you, then go to the sister or brother in question directly and address it. You may be surprised at what you learn. The Bible always admonishes us to build each up and not tear each other down.
The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness. —Proverbs 15:2
If what you are saying is negative (and most gossip is), then who is profiting from your words? Are you just tearing into another sister, mocking her or contributing to the exploitation of her personal business? Would you view this as godly behavior—and are you a perfect woman? Remember, the time will come for us all when we can use some godly women on our sides to get us through a crisis or build us up when we are down.
A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit. —Proverbs 15:4
We must also remember to tame our speech and think carefully before we speak. We do not want to shame God. (I am a work in progress in this area, so please pray for me.) There is a scripture that clearly states that controlling one's spirit is paramount:
A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. —Proverbs 15:18
The way we say certain things also greatly impacts the person we are speaking to. We should always be submissive and respectful to our husbands, and we should not use our tongues as weapons to hurt those around us. Proverbs speaks about what pleasant words do to the soul:
Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones. —Proverbs 16:24
As Christians, we are commanded by God to foster an environment of peace around us:
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. —Matthew 5:9
And we are constantly cautioned to tame our speech:
He that speaketh truth sheweth forth righteousness: but a false witness deceit. —Proverbs 13:17
We women are wonderful, emotional creatures, and our emotions can get the better of us sometimes. We tend to speak before we think, saying things we do not mean and then justifying our vengeful words with self-righteous explanations. God is not pleased with this kind of behavior, and we shouldn't be, either. The next time you speak, think about whether your words are indicative of a woman of God or a woman of the world.
Excerpted from Woman To Woman ... We've Been Duped! by Chrishna Bowe. Copyright © 2014 Chrishna Bowe. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse LLC.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Table of Contents
1. Truth Be Told, 1,
2. A Godly Woman, 4,
3. A Worldly Woman, 7,
4. What Drives You?, 20,
5. Women, We Have Been Duped!, 24,
6. A Godly Wife, 33,
7. A Godly Mother, 44,
8. A Godly Friend, 54,
9. A Godly Employee/Employer, 60,
10. To Live with Me Is to Know Me, 67,
11. Sex and Romance, 70,
12. The Other Man: Emotional or Physical Adultery, 77,
13. Did You Let Yourself Go? The Importance of Your Physical Appearance, 84,
14. Battling Discouragement, 93,
15. Submission, 97,
16. Counting My Blessings, 102,
17. Prayer, 106,
18. You Just May Be A Hypocrite, 110,
19. My Miracle: Hearing from God, 115,
20. Forgiveness, 121,
21. Stress Overload, 125,
22. You and Your Money, 130,
23. Are You Willing to Change?, 140,
24. A Good Balance, 145,